Nina has an interesting past and has a background of working in a traveling circus.  Nina is a certified parenting coach, author and researcher.  She has a background in Steiner education and heaps of life experience and creativity to bring to the table which is why we asked her for her top tips around co-parenting post separation.

What is the biggest mistake people make when they start co-parenting?

Communication is key and Nina appreciates that this may be difficult (particularly in the early days) but if each parent discusses what they think co-parenting looks like, what they think will work best for the child, for them, etc and that is all discussed at the outset it can really save a lot of second guessing and potential conflict in the future.  Also remember that like most things, co-parenting is a journey.  It may not start perfectly, you may need to adapt and be flexible along the way.

How can you make life easier for your kids when you start co-parenting, especially if your ex has a different parenting style?

Nina talks about rituals and the importance of these.  Nina suggests that this can be having a drink and a biscuit, it could be playing a game.  It is important to check in with your child/children when they return from mum or dad’s house so that everyone can re-settle.

Nina also advises that you need to be able to let go and accept that your former partner is not going to necessarily have the same routines that you do.  You have to ask yourself is my child loved, is my child happy and focus on the bigger picture.  It does not matter if dinner is at 6pm rather than 5pm in your former partner’s house.

How much should I reveal to my child about my thoughts and feelings around the separation?

It is so important not to allow any negative thoughts and feelings you may have around the separation or your former partner to impact upon your child.  It sounds obvious but it is so important to have this at the forefront of your mind.

It is also very important to bear in mind your child’s age and how much you should tell them about the detail of the separation.  Honesty is important but it is about striking the right balance and some parents can overshare which is not helpful for the child if it not age appropriate to do so.

When is the best time to work with a parenting coach?

Nina works with those expecting children, new parents, those who may be facing difficulties, those who may need support with a specific aspect of parenting and also those who have separated.  It is about choosing the right time for you.

I have  new partner, how do I tell my child this?

This can be tricky and Nina suggests that it is best to allow your new partner to form a friendship and to invest time in building a relationship with your child.  They need time to get to know each other.  Like all relationships, time needs to be invested and this could be reading a book together, working on a Lego project, whatever it may be allow your child to get to know your new partner rather than making a big announcement about your new relationship.  This way your child can get to develop that relationship and friendship from the outset.

At Roskilly & Mills we work with other professionals collaboratively to support our clients and recognise that parenting post separation may be difficult.  We are aware of the difficulties our clients face when going through separation and we provide a supportive and empathetic approach when advising our clients at what can be a very difficult time in their lives.

For more information about Nina Bambrey, co-parenting coach click here.