Explore your values, create your bucket list, dating tips, red flags, and how you can trust again…

The last podcast of the series is for those who have reached the end of the journey through separation and for those who are ready to take stock and move into the next chapter of their lives.

We spoke again with separation coach Claire Macklin for her top tips on the next new and exciting chapter.  Claire works with a lot of people to empower them to create a new life that they are excited about.

How do you know if you are ready for a new relationship?

Giving yourself enough time is key.  It is important to allow enough time to pass to ensure you have processed your previous relationship and the separation.  It is important to reflect on your values (see below), so that you know who YOU are, and what is negotiable and non-negotiable for YOU.

Values

Claire often works with people to explore their key values. Once you know what values are truly important to you, keep going back to them, check to make sure that you’re living by them, and that any  new partner’s core values are aligned with yours.  Claire suggests focusing in on your 3 core values, and loves working with clients to identify these.

Bucket list

Have you written your bucket list?  If not, Claire recommends that you need to get writing!  Not only is it great fun but it will give you a new focus and exciting goals to work towards.  Ask yourself questions like:

• What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?
• What have I always wanted to be or do, but haven’t had the opportunity?

Start to research and map out how you could start to achieve some of the goals on your list.  Your post-separation bucket list may look very different now to how it may have looked before your separation. 

Red flags

Claire talked about red flags to watch out for in any relationship – whether romantic, friendship, or even with family:

• Refusal to self-reflect or take any responsibility for their part.
• Refusal to communicate – stonewalling.
• Not caring or being curious about how you feel or what you need.
• Meeting your efforts to raise issues with defensiveness – justifying rather than listening, and not really hearing you.
• Making any issue you raise all about them. If you say something they did has upset you, they turn it around onto you, and you end up apologising.

Spotting any of these patterns in your relationship may mean it is time to rethink or leave.  If you spot these red flags early on in a relationship, Claire suggests you run fast in the opposite direction!

Trust

Perhaps it’s difficult to imagine ever trusting anyone again, particularly if trust was an issue in your previous relationship.  Trust is an integral component of all thriving relationships.  Claire explains Brenė Brown’s seven key elements: boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault (confidentiality), integrity, non-judgement and generosity.  Listen to the podcast for more on these.

At Roskilly & Mills we specialise in advising unmarried couples.  If you decide to live together with a new partner, we strongly recommend that a Cohabitation Agreement is prepared.  It may not seem the most romantic conversation to have but Claire and Emily agree that it is a big green flag if you can openly and comfortably raise difficult conversations with a new partner from an early stage.

We work with other professionals collaboratively to support our clients. We are aware of the difficulties our clients face when going through separation and we provide a supportive and empathetic approach when advising our clients at what can be a very difficult time in their lives.

For more information about Claire Macklin, separation coach click here…